Your self esteem can make or break you
and as your self esteem grows so your whole life will turn around and from my experience as a persons self esteem grows so their bank balance grows too!!!
I was brought up in a home where i was told “children should be seen and not heard”or “speak when you are spoken to” whatever we did it was easier for people to put us down and even when we did well, they would tell us to stop showing off and not be boastful so this really made one feel that it was not good to do well but rather to just be average and skid under the radar luckily i was able to break this mould – even my own mother says “i dont know where you came from”
I think having to fend for myself from an early age had a lot to do with it – my father died when i was 10 and my mother was thrown into a world where she couldnt cope – she had to cope with her grief which was intense
and was left to bring up two children, totally unsupported, i a world where she had no skills at all -social, financial or work wise!!
At 12 i was virtually running the household, bringing up my little brother and coping with day to day trials and tirbulations as well as making sure my schoolwork was good!
Below is an excerpt from a “Release the Winner” book i read recently:
Low self-esteem is almost always rooted in years of being told that person is not good enough, is a disappointment, “Why cant you be more like so and so, “blah, blah, blah … Sometimes this is unintentional, in other cases, the people doing the putting down may be fully aware of what they are doing. The victim is then discouraged and does not make efforts to nuture and expand their own innate capabilities. This is vicious cycle often generational but one that can be broken.
When we have little self respect for ourselves or a very low self esteem it becomes very hard to be a success at anything. We often fail before we even start something, simply because we tend to avoid situations we fear. The very idea of something can send us running for the hills. But it is this vey avoidance that is responsible for compounding the problem. You see giving up something before you even start is habit forming. Each time you take the easy option you make it harder for yourself the next time.
Denis Waitley once said “To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negative in our lives. So the good news is that overcoming low self-esteem is not as difficult as it may seem. The view that self confidence is something we are born with is simply not true.
It can be learned like anything else and it comes through building on our pervious successes and learning from our mistakes. It doesn’t matter where you start from because success is only relative anyway. What is certain through to build self-esteem you must take the decision that will allow success in to your life.
To start with do not take company with people who are unsupportive and critical. Abusive people can make your life very difficult and should not be tolerated. Seek out the company of stable, supportive and positive people. Don’t make friends or associate with losers. They will bring you down and leave you feeling worthless.
Take the time to give support and help to people who will appreciate your efforts and show you respect. A good way to do this is to get involved in voluntary work. There are many charities that will greatly appreciate your help and you will feel good about yourself giving them your time.
Make an effort to keep yourself in good shape, exercise regularly. If you feel happy about the way you look, you will feel good about yourself and this will increase your confidence. If you can’t change the way you look and are not happy about it, you have the ability to change it, starting today!
Spend some time everyday, sitting in silence, allowing the way things are to be as they are without judgement be they positive or negative. Soon you will find a sense of acceptance and compassion arising. This will increase your well being and improve your self –esteem.
Increase your knowledge and further your education. You will get great satisfaction from learning new things and achieving a higher level of education. Learn a new skill that others will appreciate such as a second language.
Imagine how you will feel when you can face any situation with a spirit of adventure and a calm attitude. When toleration of uncertainty is second nature. When you become a “take me as I am” person who is not scared to fail once in a while. This is not arrogance, this is simply you being yourself and not dancing to the beat of someone else’s drum. It is a big problem to go through life wanting to be liked or fearing others opinions of you. All our energy is diverted in the wrong direction.
The true path to building self confidence is to devote yourself of excellence in all you do!
Here is how it works. When making a decision, do your best to choose the better option over the easy option. The choices you make determine whether you ‘remain in’ or ‘move out of’ your comfort zone. The better option usually takes us out of our comfort zone. You see, we often settle for the easy choice because it is the one we are familiar with, even if it is not helping our cause.
When you have made your choice, devote excellence to the path you have chosen. In the beginning you will still probably avoid some of the more uncomfortable situation but this is to be expected. Mahatma Gandhi once said “ No matter how insignificant the thing you have to do, do it as well as you give as much of your care and attention as you would give to the thing you regard as most important. For it will be by those small things that you shall be judged”
As you sense of positive pride grows through giving your best, you will increase self confidence and build your self esteem. You will begin to feel good about yourself and have more energy and passion to take on bigger things. We will never conquer low self esteem through analysis alone. Building self confidence is only possible by allowing success into our lives on an ever increasing basis.
Sent with Love